Small businesses – loneliness in leadership

Following Loneliness Awareness Week, CIMSPA shines a timely light on how feelings of isolation can influence small business leaders

Leading a small business brings a variety of advantages such as autonomy, freedom and impact. But being at the forefront also brings a heavy weight of responsibility, and with it, feelings of isolation and loneliness can creep in.

According to a recent YouGov survey*, nearly half (44%) of smaller business owners in the UK say they have felt lonely or isolated while running their business. Mark Whitwood is the director and founder of Active Sport. Launched 20 years ago as Active Soccer, the organisation is supported by the Prince’s Trust (now the King’s Trust). As the sole director, Whitwood shared his experience of lone leadership with us and what his double decade business journey has taught him so far.

The silent load of leadership

As a small business leader, you need to balance both strategic and operational roles – which can often be conflicting. You are HR, finance, legal and compliance, customer services, marketing and operations all rolled into one, not forgetting the entire senior leadership team.

With this lack of peer support, you are not only accountable to yourself, but you are carrying the burden of ‘ultimate responsibility’ – bearing the full weight of company survival. A survey by the Small Business Charter of 1,200 leaders of SMEs across the UK found that 20% feel overwhelmed by everything that’s required of them, rising to 35% among leaders aged 18 to 24.

Talking on isolation as the sole leader, Whitwood explains: “A lot of decisions and challenges I’ve often had to make on my own – privately really. Sometimes it would be nice to be able to share that and get a second opinion.”

In those businesses that have expanded beyond the sole trader threshold, the expectation increases, where people look to you for answers, direction, certainty and stability. The ability to confide in peers diminishes as you carry the weight and absorb the stress so that others don’t have to. Over time and as a result, isolation can set in.

YouGov reported that nearly two thirds (64%) feel the constant mental load of being responsible for their business success and over half (55%) wish they had someone they could turn to for support.

Talking about the emotional weight of leadership and incorporating stress, Whitwood said:

“The challenge of expectation and growth does fall on the shoulders of a leader. You care about everyone – your team, your coaches, your franchises – and how it’s all developing for them.

“You’re relying on your team sticking together, and you really, really feel that when it’s a small team. What happens if something changes, if you lose something, if someone leaves? You bring problems home sometimes, but people close to you can’t always help.”

The work-life balancing act

As a small business leader, striking the balance between personal wellbeing and professional success is no easy task. More than half (51%) of business owners struggle to maintain this according to Startups Magazine. Building a business often means working long hours, resulting in reduced time for family, social and personal activities.

But creating a sustainable routine is possible with the right support and resources. And whilst building a business can feel like the priority, finding opportunities to take a break from its demands can have a measurable impact on success. The American Express (Amex) SME Business Barometer UK survey found that 75% of SME leaders believe the better they feel, the more successful their business is, and 82% feel they perform better at work when they are mentally and physically healthy.

Whitwood agrees that placing a focus on personal wellbeing is key to achieving a healthy work-life harmony: “When your self-care drops because you’re carrying everything else – that’s when it starts to impact you.”

How time changes things

Although the emotional weight of leadership can be a daunting prospect, according to Startups Magazine, feelings of isolation ease with time and experience.

Whilst nearly two-thirds (65%) of business owners trading for less than a year report feeling lonely, this percentage then drops considerably for those whose businesses have been running for 10 to 15 years (31%) and more than 20 years (40%).

After more than 20 years of Active Sport, Whitwood agrees with this sentiment. “It’s trying to be rational with your thinking and not taking all that burden on yourself. I’ve been guilty of worrying about it too much in the past and that’s been at the detriment of myself. With experience, you learn to cope with it better – but it’s by no means perfect. Those challenges are still coming all the time… that’s the role of a business owner.”

But where is the turning point, and what are the strategies to mitigate these feelings of loneliness and isolation as a leader?

An antidote to isolation

As a leader, looking for solutions to a problem is something that is a constant challenge. Whitwood openly states: “Who knows all the answers? You’ve got to ask for help and get support.”

The pressure to be an agile decision-maker may encourage individuals to seek out answers through the likes of technology or AI. However, it’s important to remember that people are wired for connection – data or algorithms can’t replace the value of conversation, provide lived experience, challenge you or hold you accountable. That is why many successful business leaders have mentors or coaches.

Reaching out for help can initially be somewhat intimidating, but gaining an outside perspective can facilitate shared knowledge and diversify thinking. Constructive conversations can help leaders to make more confident decisions and speed up progress.

Whitwood was fortunate enough to experience the influence of a mentor from day one of his business inception. Through the Prince’s Trust, he was supported monthly by an experienced mentor for the first two years: “That was incredible. Somebody that had been there, done it, was impartial, listened and helped you make decisions – it was invaluable.

“It was important for me to try and seek more of that in the future. There was a period where I didn’t have that – and that was hard. I’m on my third mentor now, and that support is crucial.”

Another way in which many business leaders gain a variety of perspectives is through building connections and collaboration with like-minded individuals: “Networking and the power of people – that’s really important.”

Balancing business and creating headspace

Running your own business can be all-consuming, and the emotional cost can go unseen. Many entrepreneurs need to carve out time for family, friends and personal wellbeing to ensure that they don’t experience burnout – something that can have a detrimental impact on performance and, if relevant, their connection with employees.

Over time, Whitwood has come to the realisation that prioritisation of his own wellbeing is crucial not only to his mental health, but to the success of the business: “You’ve got to ‘pay yourself first’ with your time, otherwise work takes over everything.”

“When I started, I could put every hour into the business. Now with three kids, it’s very different.”

One important way in which Whitwood manages stress and pressures of the business is through exercise. Growing up with parents who were PE teachers and university lecturers in sport and education meant that exercise was naturally an integral part of his upbringing. As a result, it has become the primary source for decompression: “Exercise has been a huge outlet for me. It helps you recalibrate and come back with a clearer picture. Sometimes if you’re just staring at the screen, nothing moves forward, but clarity comes when you step away.”

Reframing vulnerability as a leader

Business ownership brings with it a spectrum of advantages – such as freedom and the ability to have full control over the direction of the organisation. It is also a great tool to build confidence, resilience and self-esteem as you progress and build something successful.

But it is important not to take on the endeavour of a startup with the expectation of being able to do it all alone. After 20 years of leadership, Whitwood’s closing advice to anybody looking to embark of the journey alone is simple:

“Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It’s not a sign of weakness.”

More about Active Sport

Active Sport was born through a family passion for sport and education and with the help of the then Prince’s Trust. The organisation started as ‘Active Soccer’ and created opportunities for young people to get involved in football in a fun, healthy and inclusive space. Through diversification and partnerships, Active Sport now delivers engaging coaching programmes and wrap-around care for children across the UK and Ireland.

They also have a small local community sports facility and offer a variety of activities including toddler groups, masterclasses, birthday parties, before/after school and holiday clubs. There is also an alternate provision programme for pupils at risk of disengagement, which utilises the power of sport, mentoring and structured education to support pupils who need a different approach to succeed.